Tired. That’s how I have been feeling this past week and a half. Just tired. I have no energy. It feels like every movement is an effort. I haven’t been keeping up with posts to this blog, well, because I’m tired.
I should not complain. I don’t usually feel this tired. No reason for it. It just is. According to all my doctors I should be feeling like this always, and I don’t, and that baffles them. And that scares me that one day life and this disease and it’s effects are eventually going to catch up with me and I will be like this all the time. But not if I have a say. I’m going to continue to fight this and defy the statistics. I have so many tiredness factors, and yet still I keep going. Sarcoidosis makes you tired. Heart failure and pulmonary hypertension too. Then out of the ten prescription drugs I take, five have fatigue as the first side effect.
On top of it all, my ICD hurts. It is sore and that happens every now and again. People say they don’t even know it’s there. How much fat you got cushioning that sucker people? I have been aware of my buddy every day since I had him put in. And sometimes he’s a little bitch and pinches my pecs. Little brat.
I have been so tired that I don’t even have the energy to read the blogs on my rss feed. I get them all day, and I wonder just where these people get the energy to write when I could just go in a cave and sleep. But I don’t. I push myself. It’s not depression. I’m happy. Very happy. The mind is so willing, but the body just isn’t. Maybe that’s just making things worse. I probably need to take a full day off and do nothing. Just rest. Recuperate. But that ain’t happening anytime soon. I just have to work around this somehow. How? I don’t know. I’m too tired to think about it right now.