I have been having some issues with my breathing and to make a long story short, I am having a sleep study done in two weeks. I will be spending the night at the hospital’s sleep center with a bunch of monitors hooked up to my body while they film and monitor my every move.
As I was shown the sleep center by the doctor that runs it, I realized that I just went straight there from the pulmonary rehabilitation center after they ran their own round of tests, and I thought to myself, “haven’t you had enough? You are like a freaking test subject.” I can’t remember the last time I went two straight weeks without seeing a doctor, getting an x-ray or blood test or just a test of some kind.
I am exhausted. I have been traveling for work, albeit just two or three days a week, but the travel can be sometimes up to four hours of traffic, each way, on a drive that should take two and a half hours. Sleeping away from home alone is stress enough. I miss my wife, my pups and my cat.
Next month I start back school. Massage school. I want to finish. Get my degree and license. I need to have a back up plan. I know, massage therapists with all my conditions? Isn’t that a little strenuous? Well, the plan is to eventually learn acupuncture. Not much strain there.
Thankfully I go on vacation next week for a week. Short, but it is still a vacation. I go away for three days and stay home the rest of the time. I suppose that I will never slow down. I just need to keep going so I don’t think that this disease and all the conditions it has had the wonderful generosity to send my way, will ever get the better of me.
Two days ago my wife had to talk to me about scheduling too many things in one day. I think I am the energizer bunny I guess. If I just keep going and going, I will never stop long enough for the disease to stop me. I know I don’t live in denial. I am so aware of all that I have and how it can affect me. I guess I live in the land of pretend. Pretend I am as strong as I was before. Hmm. Guess they are the same thing.
Sometimes you got to just wake up and look at the cloudy day and pretend it’s just a sunny field of flowers otherwise those cloudy days will always be there in your head even on the sunny days.
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