Selective Memories

It has been 49 years, 7 months and 17 days, for a total of 18,128 days since I have come to this planet and as I look back on those times, I think of all those days of life, of a beautiful life, and why is it we only remember the extremely good days and all the bad ones. What about the ordinary days that got us from the bad to the good?

As humans, we tend to get fixated only on milestones. I remember the exact day I met my beautiful wife, what she was wearing, how she smelt, how she looked. I remember when was given my initial diagnosis of sarcoidosis, the office, the shirt the doctor wore, my complete confusion as to what this disease was that I never heard about, and thinking what does that mean for the rest of my life. I remember the day that I came out from heart surgery to fix a congenital defect, an operation that was to make everything all okay, and being told my heart was in failure. But what about the days between the diagnosis and the pain? The days that got me from the bad to the good. I remember bits and pieces, but not all.

I once read that if our brains were to allow us to keep in constant recall every event that we had, we would basically go mad, and so our brain, although it does and can remember every single second of our life, chooses what we should and should not know.

We will remember the day 30 years ago that you almost got hit by that bus, or the day you jumped out of an airplane at 30,000 feet and realized you forgot your parachute.

Why? Why do we seem to keep the bad stuff in our memory? Are we negative in nature? Worriers at heart? Possibly, but It’s our human survival at play. By remembering what you did to cause the danger in your life, you more than likely would not repeat it. And so you remember, and remember.

Yet still, there are some things that you do that burns you, and you still put your hand to that flame and burn yourself all over again and again, and each time you think to yourself “didn’t I learn the last time?”

I have been burnt in a certain situation in my life three times and the good thing with that is that I do not intend to let it happen a fourth time. I opened my eyes this past week and I was shown things. I remembered the pain of the last three times, and how I got there. And now I know to prepare my self for the next flame, to walk away from the flame or out it before it happens again. I still have a lot of work to do before I stop that flame from getting here, but now I know, I will prepare.

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