Just Feeling Sorry For Myself

One of things I most dislike with having a suppressed immune system, is that I constantly, every winter, get a cold. Even though this winter has been a mild one, I have managed to get a cold. And a cold lingers with me. It stays, and it’s stays, and it stays. And yes, I do get an annual flu shot, and I wonder what’s the point, or if the flu shot causes it. That is another blog though.

Right now I have my good days and I have my bad days. Of course the bad days always happen on a day I need to be energetic, or on a day I have classes.

Of course I try to keep a positive attitude, but when your head is pounding, your nose is clogged, every breath feels like it takes a million pounds of intercostal muscular strength to inhale and you have get up and go to work or to school, sometimes you just want to kick a boulder.

I hate taking antibiotics, and inevitably I end up taking them because I almost always develop some sort of sinus or bronchial infection. Having heart failure and pulmonary hypertension with severely scarred lungs and an upper respiratory infection is not the best of news for a pulmonary doctor. So as much as he dislikes prescribing then, he puts me on the antibiotics.

I pump my self with some super duper pro biotic from the health food store, but yet, this course of antibiotics is wrecking havoc with my stomach. It seems I need to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes. More information that you needed but that’s the reality of it.

I am finished my course of antibiotics now, but of course you know the effects last for 10 days after. So I’m still here, struggling, waiting for the effects to pass and waiting for this cold to go too. I continue to feel a little miserable and sorry for myself.

I also had a midterm examination on Friday, which I think I did not do very well in. And I sit, and I wait. I wait to find out if I passed or if I failed. I hope I have not failed. But if I failed, then I have to redo the test. That sucks. Just add to the horror of this damn cold.

I have been through many things. I have been through three different heart surgeries, a horrific open loan biopsy, and I have not flinched. I have a little cold and I am writing as if it is the end of the world. Life can be so funny.

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