Just Let Go

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I am a perfectionist. As much as I try to deny it or pretend I am not, I am. I got all As when I went I college. I was on the Dean’s list for every semester and graduated with honors and second in my class. I am now in massage therapy school and again I am getting As, that was until last week.

I have not been well, and just don’t have the zeal to study. And it kicked me big time in the ass. I took a mid term exam and not only did I fail, I failed so badly that I have to take a tutorial in the subject before I can retake the exam.

Okay, true my ego is crushed, but so it seems is my confidence. I find myself second guessing myself on exam questions. I took another mid term today and got a B.

It’s weird. I try to tell myself that nothing has to be perfect. Just pass the courses and that’s all you need to. I know that sometimes the combination of medicines I take can cause a Brian fog, and I had a bit of that last week. But today I sat in the exam and was last one to finish. I kept looking the exam over and over and over.

I look at the other students who fly through their exams and just pass by the skin of their teeth and they skip along happily. And I think to myself that if I do decide to do massage sometime in the future, no one is going to ask me for a transcript of my grades before they get a massage. So why be so hard on myself. I just have to learn to let go.

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