Flashback Monday – Odd Monkey Out

Wow, it’s Monday already. This week’s Flashback Monday is from July 2010 about family.

Odd Monkey Out

Posted July 31 2010

20120204-072741.jpgWhen I was first diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, I told no one. Only my wife knew. I didn’t want anyone to know because it is such a rare and misunderstood disease that I just knew that people, especially in my family would blow it out of proportion and think that I had lung cancer.

Then a year later, I found out that I had a hole in my heart, and it needed to be fixed. For that one I told my mother, my in laws and two older brothers – I am the youngest. My eldest brother lives 3,000 miles away from me, and my older brother lives 78 miles away.

I sent both bothers emails telling them about the hole in the heart and that I needed to have surgery. My older brother replied immediately asking if there was anything he could do, etc. My eldest brother had no reply.

After a week or so, I emailed my eldest brother again and checked to see if he got the first email, just in case it ended up in a spam folder or something. He replied “Yes. Got it. Best of luck”. I didn’t think much of it.

One week later I had my surgery, during which they realized I had heart failure and Sarcoidosis in the heart. My older brother came to visit me in the hospital and he was there when the doctors came to discuss the fact that I had heart failure etc.

When I got home from the hospital, all of my wife’s family, and I mean all, called to see how I was doing, and of course they all got the news that I needed another operation to put in an AICD. My eldest brother never called.

Then I had my second surgery to implant the AICD in my chest and my older brother again visited me in the hospital. Got home the next day, and again, everyone called to see how I was doing. Everyone except my eldest brother.

I figured that his way of dealing with things was by avoiding it. I tried emailing him a few times, but I never got a reply, so I thought it a lost cause. Then I found out he changed his email address and I was the only one not to get the update from him.

So just what the hell is the moral of this story? Nothing really, other than you choose your friends. You can’t choose your family. If one chooses not to have anything to do with you, you just have to accept it and move on and not dwell on the why’s of it. Just wish them peace, and live your live.

UPDATE: My eldest brother and I met up November last year for an hour when I went back home. He claimed that he did not know about my conditions etc., although his wife says she knew and he knew. I guess it is his truth, and I have to accept that. I hold no ill feelings towards him and only wish the bet for him. We still do not communicate other than to text each other a Happy Birthday message.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Mommabel says:

    This post especially rings true for me today. My brother is 1,500 miles away and the only time he asks me how I’m doing is when he happens to call when I’m with my parents and they shove the phone in my ear.

    Occasionally he will lecture me on Facebook about having a positive attitude and that all of my health problems are due to a negative attitude.

    Oh and he throws in how wonderful his life is. That’s just great.

    Thanks for the post.


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