What Is Your Speak?

This weekend I am away on business, and this morning I went to pick up some bagels at a local bagel store. I speak with an accent that is apparently not discernible to most people. I have been asked if I my accent is French, Dutch, Irish, Egyptian, South African, among others. I grew up in the caribbean, and went to catholic schools run by Irish priests, so who the heck knows what I
sound like.

At the bagel shop, the women attending were hispanic, and I would later learn they never heard an accent like mine before. Here is how that conversation went.

“What can I get you?”

“May I get a dozen assorted bagels please?”


“Can I get a dozen assorted bagels?”

“What kind?”

“Just assorted.”

“We don’t have any”

“What? what do you mean you don’t have any?”

“We not got any”

“But I am watching a case full of them”


“Right here, in front of me. Between you and me there is a case full of them”

“Hmph. Hang on. Maria, come here please and help this gentleman”

Second woman arrives

“Yes sir, what can we help you weeth?”

“I am trying to get a dozen bagels”

“Ok, what type”


“Oh, no we not got any.”

WHAT THE F***!!!!???  I think to myself

“Are you people kidding me? Why can’t I just get a dozen assorted bagels?!”

“Because sir, we do not make a salt bagel!”

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