So You Have A Chronic Silent Illness, Sorry To Hear, But Shut Up Already

One of the common complaints I read about in the blogosphere, Twitter and Facebook is that people don't get enough support and that their friends and family abandon them. Ever think it might just be that you are really annoying now? I know it sounds harsh and cold, but it is reality.

I know for one, I can't stand to hear people complain.I don't do it unless it is absolutely necessary, and then I do it for a minute or two, let it go and move on. But the majority of people can't let go. They just have to go on and on.

In the world of Chronic, “silent” illnesses, it is hard for people to understand what it is exactly we are going through. We look fine, but inside we feel like crap. And to someone that hasn't been in our shoes, they can't understand. And so the majority of people feel compelled to explain and defend themselves. You don't ever have to explain yourself to anyone, ever.

Then there are the attention seekers. Those are the people that must tell everybody that they meet that they have all these conditions, and well, “please feel sorry for me.” If someone asks how you are doing, in reality, most people don't want to hear your problems. They have enough of their own, and unless they want to have a competition with you as to who has the most issues, they don't want to really hear yours.

The only people that know of my conditions are my wife, my mother, my two brothers, my in laws and three friends. That's it. And when we meet and anyone asks how I am doing, all I say is “I'm good”. And I am, even if I feel like crap. Just the fact that they asked let's me know that they care, so I don't need to go into a bunch of details about how I feel, because there is nothing that they can do, is there? Are they walking around with a cure in their pocket? So why ruin their day because I am not having a good one. If I am really not feeling well, I cancel. Let's just try to be as normal as possible, enjoy the time together and think and talk about other things.

Do you want to know if you are one of those annoying complaining people? The fact that people no longer ask how you are doing is a hint that maybe they don't want to hear you complain anymore. They are tired of you whining all the time. They cringe when they see you, because they know they are going to get a list of your ailments. Once, twice, okay. Anymore, just shoot me! My friends constantly ask me how I am doing because they know that I have all this stuff, but I don't complain, and they know that they won't get a list of ailments every time they ask. What they do look forward to are my funny stories about trips to doctors or labs. People want to be happy all the time, not trying to make everyone else happy, and by you whining, you are asking them to make you better, make you happy, tell you that everything is going to be alright. And they can't. So they avoid you, because they can't give you what you want, to be made happy. That's all in you. Only you can make you happy.


4 Comments Add yours

  1. I always quite enjoy your sage advice and your take on it all.

    I’ve been silent for a while in regards to blogging since there’s been so much happening and I didn’t want to be of those people you describe, talking about ailments all the time. I figure I’ll get back to blogging once I can start laughing at my issues again.

    I often think of you and do keep up with your insightful messages.

    I am well, just dealing with stuff. 🙂

    Thank you for being who you are and for sharing.


    Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry


    1. Basil Rene says:

      Marie Chantal!!! So great to hear from you! Even in your silence you are one of my biggest inspirations! Hope you are well, and if you need to gripe in your blog, just go for it. That’s the great thing about blogging. You put out there in the universe and if anyone wants to read it they will or just move one. No obligations. No awkward relations. So go for it! Get it all out.


  2. Lisa says:

    enjoy your wisdom


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