There’s a saying“You choose your friends and you are given your family”. Today is my youngest nephew’s 29th birthday, and that got me thinking about his father, my eldest brother with whom I never had a close relationship with. As a matter of fact, growing up we fought a lot. He is seven years older than I and we just never got along.
He lives 3,000 miles away and we have not seen each other in 13 years. We communicated by email and the occasional phone calls for birthdays and Christmas, then I had to have my first heart surgery to fix my PFO and I emailed him about it. He never wrote back. I figured he did not get the email, so I wrote again to ask if he got the email. His answer was “Yes. Got the email. Good luck”. That was the last I heard from him.
Some people are not able to handle the illness of someone else, and simply do not want to deal with it directly. I know he asks my mother about me, but never once has he called me or written me to ask how I am. I’ve now had three heart procedures, and nothing. I am not mad. That’s the way he wants to handle things. Just pretend they don’t exist. That saying I quoted before is so true. That’s why I can’t be mad at him. He didn’t ask to have a baby brother that may die before he does (at least in his head). We both have experienced a lot of personal family loss, and I guess he no longer wants to deal with anymore.
What’s this post really about? It’s just to say that if you have a chronic or fatal illness, and a family member just seems to zone out of your life, don’t take it personally or get angry. That negative energy is just not good for you. Quietly wish them well, and send them on their way with peace and love. Then get back to living your life. They are living theirs.