Originally posted to my blog June 3, 2011
Like the consummate theater artist that has played many years out on stage in the same part and needed to get away from the constant day to day grind of being in the public eye, so too did I need to be away from the constant probing eyes of the medical world, testing, probing, x-raying.
And like that theater artist who one day realizes they need to return to the stage, not for their public, but for their own fulfillment, so too have I returned to my other world of medical questioning.
Yesterday, after weeks of staying away from doctor’s offices, blood tests and lab work, in order to recapture my personal sanity, to not feel like a lab rat, to think of something other than my medical conditions, I finally had my series of small intestine x-rays. I had the most pleasant and informative technician I have ever had in the five years of living with these conditions. This was such a breath of fresh air as the procedure was two hours long.
I was dreading it because of the reaction I had previously to barium solution which I experienced when I had a ct scan of my abdomen. The reaction then was violent and scary and I almost went to the emergency room. This time, a different solution and no reaction.
Just taking those few weeks to not see any doctors or do anything other than just take my medications and vitamins, has helped me regain a feeling of self. I feel now as if I am living for me, and not a series of medical conditions that dictate my daily life. Yes I will have these conditions for the rest of my life, and the severity of them also dictates frequent doctor visits and tests, but now I know, like everything else in life, you need to take a vacation from it, just for a week, or two or even three if it’s not going to be detrimental to you.
And now, just like someone who has taken a vacation to Fiji or somewhere away from it all, I now feel refreshed to return to the medical world. Yet though, I will not let the medical world drive me. I will still continue to be in the driver’s seat, and the medical world will just be my navigation, advising me to turn right or to turn left. The choice will always be mine.