Originally posted to my blog on May 12, 2011
There is an old saying that “the last one to know they are in a fish bowl is the fish”, and I can say that has been true for me for the past few weeks. I have been angry and whiny and it has been reflecting in my recent posts. I was not realizing it until my beautiful wife gave me a reality check.
I thought it was the prednisone, but in reality, the prednisone may have contributed a small part of it. However, I self adjusted the dosage back to my regular 10mg, and still, I felt like fighting with the world.
There are five stages to grief, and no matter what, when you have a chronic illness, you are going to grieve for your old self, all that you could not do before, the person that you were before. One of the stages is anger, and it seems I am here – again.
I thought that I hit this stage already and got over it. Apparently I did not get over it all, and here I am again for a repeat performance. The good thing is realizing it, and the better thing is if you don’t and someone you love has the balls to point it out to you.
So now that I know that I have been somewhat cross and whiny, and I am sure my posts have been reflecting it, I’m going to work on it, get back to my old positive self. It really is tiring be angry. I will have to continue to remember to repeat my mantra – “be calm gentle spirit. Be calm”