As I head back to my birth land, I ponder past friendships that have slipped away over distance and time, and whether or not I should reach out to my childhood best friends. I met them, a brother and sister, when I was six, he was four and she was two. They lived around the block from me and we were friends, very good, close friends until our twenties. I moved to the US in my mid twenties and even though I tried to keep communication going, they for whatever reason didn’t keep the friendship and communications up. Earlier this month, their mother, who I always considered another mother, passed away. I didn’t learn it from them, but from a mutual childhood friend who wrote and told me as she knew I would want to know.
I will admit that I was a bit hurt that they didn’t reach out to tell me that she died, and I know that they have the means to communicate with me because the same mutual friend gave them my contact and info so that they could get in touch with me.
I considered sending a condolence card, but thought that if they didn’t actually reach out to me, even though they were given the means to, and they did not ask our mutual friend to let me know, then I shouldn’t and didn’t bother.
Now I sit on a jet, racing high over the Atlantic and I think about it. Do I call them when I get there in a couple of hours? Do I at least call to say hello and sorry about your mum? Part of me says yes and the other part of me says that I am only going to have that door slammed in my face. Part of me would love for us to be in communication again, however the other part knows that if they do respond, it will be an ingenuine response full of false excitement to see me and one that would only last for the few days I am back there. Before my flight back home takes off at the end of the week, so too would the facade of friendship.
I hate being to one to reach out and then getting the door slammed in my face, so I think that I will reach out, offer my condolences, but leave it at that. I won’t fall into the fake “Oh we must get together for dinner” play. I will take control and be real and end it there, but I do need to put an end to it formally. It will quite interesting to try and do so diplomatically.