I started this blog April 2010 for myself. It wasn’t meant to help anyone to be honest. I went through a major change in my life when developing sarcoidosis and all the complementary conditions it decided to provide me, such as heart failure and secondary pulmonary hypertension. It was just a way to expunge, and I never expected anyone to ever read my posts, or far less follow it.
My journey started as a physical one, but over the years, I realized that the journey was a spiritual one. My thoughts and attitude shifted in that I no longer felt the need to write about my journey with the disease anymore, because I felt that I was feeding it, keeping it alive. By writing about it constantly, I felt that I was letting the disease become the focal point of my life.
I no longer wanted to be known as the man that was having a “Life with sarcoidosis”. I was getting better. I was beating the odds and I felt that keeping that aspect alive was holding me back from progressing. So I changed the name of my blog from “Life with sarcoidosis” to “Life as an anomaly”.
With that change came a new attitude and a new direction. I wanted to write about leading a positive life. I was seeing people on social media that were living with the disease constantly crying out for help, tweeting about their pain and daily struggle. I wanted to get away from that because I realized that it was my positive attitude, never complaining and just having an appreciation for my life was what was making me better.
But unfortunately, people in pain don’t want to hear about “spiritual crap”. They want a cure, and they want it now. So I found that with my shift towards a more spiritual approach towards my disease and my life, my readership dropped significantly. So with that, I wondered, what was the purpose of keeping up my blog? Sometimes I would put up a post and it may get two hits. I wasn’t giving people what they wanted – an answer on how to get better with a pill. The truth of the matter is that it was not a pill, but my attitude that got me better.
This year has been an extremely stressful time for me. I had a hectic time with work, traveling almost every week from the end of May to the End of September. My mother became very ill and all that resulted in a lot of travel, with five trips alone being international travel. I have seen the inside of JetBlue’s JFK terminal more times than I can imagine. I travelled so many times that I literally accumulated enough points to pay for three international return flights. I know every restaurant in the terminal. Some of the flight attendants on JetBlue know me by name. I rented so many cars from Avis at airports that I now have their Avis Preferred Plus status.
Being that crazy busy left no time to really produce any quality blogs, and the fact that no one was really reading my posts, I figured what was the point anyway. I had all these post in my head, but I would look at my laptop and say “What’s the point?”.
With that, I was going to post my final post this December to close down my blog once and for all. Before I did that however, I meditated on it, and the universe let me know in its own way that I needed to put aside my freaking ego and keep the blog going. Who cares if only one person read your post? That’s all that mattered. If one person read it, got something from it, then I did my job. I needed to learn to write my post, put it up, and let it go. It would get to who needed it and I didn’t need to look out for a pat on my back or confirmation that I was doing a good job. This blog was no longer for me. It was now there to help those who needed help. They would find it when they needed it, and would get from it what they needed. It wasn’t for me to decide what other people needed from my writing. So what if my writing was going to be guided towards a more spiritual path? I didn’t need to censor myself because their would be a few that would not understand or accept that way of thinking.
And so, my blog stays. I will try to write more, and again, I have no idea what I am going to write about. I have no theme or specific subject. It might be about a sunset or about a person I saw in the supermarket. Who knows? So for those of you that have been following me for the past almost eight years, I welcome you to continue with me on this bus ride to nowhere, and you are welcome to get off when ever you feel. But if you stay on, I can promise that somewhere along the route, you’ll see something worth your time.