Superman Is Grounded

When I was given the news in 2007 that sarcoidosis affected my heart and that I had 5 to 10 years before I would need a heart and lung transplant, I was determined to prove doctors wrong. There was no way I was having a transplant. I was going to live way beyond the ten year prognosis with the heart and lungs I was born with.

Having such a mindset lets you not only survive and thrive, but you can also push too hard to prove to everyone that you are invincible. You may think you are fooling the world to no avail and to the detriment of yourself.

These past couple of months I have not been doing very well. My breathing gets labored, I have shortness of breath and in general not well. Yet, I have been trying to prove to the world and myself that I am just fine. But the world knows the truth. I was only really fooling myself, but not even.

I have been working long hours, some days fourteen or fifteen hours, without a break. I have not been using my oxygen as much as I should. I wear a face mask all day which is not exactly the best thing for someone with lung and heart issues. I have not been exercising and my diet in the last couple of weeks had way too much salt.

That’s when life intervened to slap me up across my head to tell me I needed to slow down and take care of myself.

I was leaving work andjust put my portable oxygen concentrator in the front seat of my car when I yelled out from pain that hit me hard between my left shoulder blade and spine. The pain was sudden, piercing and intense.

I wondered what I did to pull a muscle in my back because my concentrator weighs next to nothing. I got the rest of my stuff, locked up at work and drove home. As I got out of the car, my wife saw my face and knew that something was wrong.

My pain tolerance is very high and if I am showing signs of pain, then it’s bad. I told her that my back started to hurt for no reason and as I was telling her, another, equally intense pain shot into my chest right at the area of my heart. I wondered if I was having a heart attack, but I know my heart. I know when it is beating well, when its rhythms are out of whack, when it is going too fast and when it slows down to a crawl. I feel it and I knew that this pain was not coming from my heart, but right next to it.

Still, I took an ECG on my Apple Watch just to see if anything was going on with my heart. I did five different readings and they all came back normal, although the AppleWatch does disclaim that it does not check for heart attacks. I knew this was not a heart attack, but the pain was bad.

The next morning the pain had subsided substantially. My wife asked me if I needed to go to the doctor and since the pain had subsided somewhat, I said no. It only hurt when I took a deep breath. I wondered if this was just a really bad case of indigestion. In reality, this was a bad case of denial.

The second night I went to bed and when I lay flat, the pain in my chest was intense, so the next morning I sent my cardiologist the ecg reports from my watch and he told me it was not looking like a heart attack, but the pain I described could be from a blood clot in the lung.

I really did not want to go to the hospital because who wants to be in the ER with Covid19 so rampant? The next day I went to my doctor when I coughed up blood, did a CT scan and and EKG and thankfully I did not have a blood clot or a heart attack. What I did have was a pneumothorax or a collapsed lung. My lung literally popped.

You guessed it. I ended up in the ER and was hospitalized for three days. Thankfully they did not do any surgery as the collapse was right next to my heart and also I am on blood thinners, so the procedure risks were too high.

I think I realize now that I am not Superman and invincible. I have a lot of stuff going on with me that I seriously need to look after. I saw the images from the CT scan of my chest and I was shocked. I am always told that my lungs are scarred, but when I was shown the images, there were literal holes inside my lung from the Sarcoidosis.

Seeing those images really put everything into a new perspective. It’s not that I am resigning to the disease but actually it has woken me up to take more action to improve my condition but with the reality that I am not invincible and sure as hell not Superman.

Basil René was diagnosed with pulmonary sarcoidosis in 2006 and cardiac sarcoidosis in 2007. As a result of sarcoidosis, Basil René has heart failure and lives with an implanted AICD.

©️2020 Basil René. All Rights Reserved

Images©️Basil René or Sourced From Mematic &/or Giphy Who Holds ©️Info For All Photographs In Thier Application

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Twyla Holman says:

    So sorry to hear you’re not doing WELL . You’re never prepared for what Sarcoidosis can throw at you . One day you’re ok and the next day you’re down with something new .
    My Sarcoidosis doctor showed me the CT scan of my lungs and scaring. He magnified the scaring and called it honey combing , it looked just like the honeycomb from a beehive. I relived that moment when you were talking about your scaring .
    I want to thank you again for helping me through my blotched ICD implant seven years ago . I’m going all over the place in this comment. I guess I can blame it on brain fog .
    I just want to say , TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and TAKE A BREAK FROM BEING SUPERMAN .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Basil René says:

      Thanks Twyla! Yep this thing is a never ending dance. You never quite know which way to look. I always had an image in my head if what a scarred lung looked like, nothing like what I saw on the screen. It was like swiss cheese. Some small and some large holes. It really shocked me and I don’t shock easily. You are welcome. I am glad that I was able to help. Thanks for checking in and I plan to remove the cape. 🦸🏻‍♂️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ray Kane says:

    Basil, I’m so sorry to hear your having issues. Like you said, its an awful time to have health problems. I hope it all works out for you and you get back to your healthy self. I have been following you for many years and have always admired your positivity. Stay Strong, Stay Safe, and Stay Positive! Ray

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Basil René says:

      Thank you Ray. I realized long ago that this is going to be a lifetime of peaks and valleys. I think once you are realistic that with the good there is going to to be some bad, you somewhat prepare for it and can get through better. Just so long as you don’t dwell on it. I guess that is true for life in general. Stay safe!

      Like

  3. Child Of God says:

    I m going to pray for you now and I’m truly sorry for your pain and illness. I see ur a fighter and my small problem are nothing when I see how you suffer may God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Basil René says:

      Thank you for your thoughts. One thing I have learned is to never compare my pain to another’s. My experience is neither greater nor less than another’s. Pain in any form is pain no matter what to each recipient and it doesn’t matter who has it worse. All we can do is send positive healing energy to everyone no matter their degree of pain. Thanks again for your prayers. Very much appreciated.

      Like

      1. Child Of God says:

        That is true I was thinking not about my. Back but my mental illnesses. St least there u do not suffer phisically. Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Basil René says:

          “Suffering” on any level, physical, emotional or mental is still each person’s individual pain. Never down play your feelings in comparison. One of my favorite quotes :”Comparison is an act of violence against the self. Whenever you say who I am, as I am, is less than who you are, as you are, that sets it up in the ego that I need to do something about my authentic being, which god already did. -Iyanla Vanzant”. Blessings. BR

          Like

          1. Child Of God says:

            Thank you for your wise words. I find my strength in the Lord.

            Liked by 1 person

Please feel free to leave a comment, and although they are appreciated, please note that I may not be able to respond to all comments

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.